Someone out there will want me

Today I heard a review of "The Green Hornet" on the radio.
On the 28th of February 2011 I went to the cinema with a boy whom I knew was in love with me. We'd been hanging out a lot the previous week, and I had decided to give him a chance, because he was sweet and shy, and the way he looked at me made me feel like the prettiest girl in the world. I met him at the cinema, and things were a bit awkward before the film began. When we sat there in our seats, I knew how nervous he was, I knew he wanted to take my hand, but he was a very shy and insecure person, and I knew he was terrified of rejection (as we all are). So I took his hand. We looked at each other and I smiled at him. I felt his tense body loosen up a bit, and he squeezed my hand, with a grin on his face. We sat like that throughout the film, our hands sweaty, and our hearts beating loudly. Afterwards he walked me home, and we kissed outside my hostparent's house. It was lovely, it was perfect. For about 7 months.

It's over now, and I've come to terms with it. I wouldn't want him back, and I'm not saying that in a desperate attempt to convince myself that I don't want him back. I genuinely wouldn't want to be with him anymore. I know I need someone who is a bit ... more than he is. Who would fight for me, and for "us". I'm not saying that every boy needs to act like a knight in shining armour, but if you truly love someone, you shouldn't give up on them the minute things get a bit hard. I don't love him anymore, and I don't think I ever could again. But I don't hate him either. I pity him.

Hearing the review on "The Green Hornet" made me long for the good times we had together, for the love and affection we shared. It made me sad, not because I miss him, but because I miss being wanted and loved, and I know I'll have to wait for a long time to have something like that again.

After having been ill for seven weeks

Not due to heartache, but a virus.

That person. It may sound very cliché, but that person who used to make you so incredibly happy, but now he or she never fails to make you feel like complete shit whenever they talk to you. Whether it is an ex-bestfriend, or just an ex, I'm sure you've had one. You don't really want to talk to them, because you know all too well how terrible it's going to make you feel, but still, you long for the safety and happiness that person used to give you. The feeling of belonging and love they used to represent. But you're fooling yourself, because you're just going to feel unloved, useless and pathetic. It used to upset me endlessly. I used to want to cut contact with him, but I know he's still good for a nice chat, he can still cheer me right up. I used to, for some reason, think that my happiness depended on him. What a silly thought! Lately I've felt a lot better not talking to him.