21.04.2012

Wrygdwylife - Bonaparte


I want to properly learn German. I know I would be able to. I’ve got the basics, the grammar, the words, the understanding. I just don’t know how to put those elements together to form sentences. I hate when people make fun of German, when they laugh at how ugly the language is. They don’t understand, they haven’t listened close enough. Sure, almost every time German is represented in films, it’s always a kind of parody of the language. The angry sounds are exaggerated for comical effect, and the gentle, almost fluid-like sounds left out.

Sometimes, I want to fall in love with a German boy, and live in a tiny flat in Berlin. I want him to wear Doc Martens and skinny jeans. I would wear a big shirt, tights and worn out Converse. I want us to watch A Clockwork Orange as we talk about Simone de Beauvoir, my legs in his lap.

Other times I want to live in London. Fall in love with the city, be surrounded by friends. I’d work at a small café, every day hoping that tall, slender bloke would come in and read his Dead Poets Society. Isn’t it awful to love someone from afar?

I suppose I’ll just have to survive for a bit longer before I can start living again.


17.04.2012

Originally posted on Tumblr, then taken down because I looked like an attention whore

I just read something really sweet my ex wrote for me about a year ago. I was meant to open a different Word document, and since I’m stupid, I couldn’t help myself from reading the old message. It reminded me of how much I miss having someone to love. To cuddle, hug, and kiss, to compliment, and laugh with. Someone to look forward to seeing every day, and text before I fall asleep at night, and when I get up in the morning. I miss having someone who loves and appreciates me, and thinks I’m the greatest person there is. I really miss being someone’s number one. Right now, I’m so very alone in the world. It can be so hard to just go on and face the day when everything, every day, seems so hopless, wasted and empty. I don’t necessarily need a man in my life, I just need someone who can love me and make me feel a bit less shit.